


flowers speak louder than words

by boyknees



Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M, Slight mentions of blood, jaebum/cats probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 06:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10825434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boyknees/pseuds/boyknees
Summary: jinyoung throws up a variety of flowers and mark spends a lot of time making flower crowns with them. i.e. jinyoung has hanahaki disease and mark tries to help.





	flowers speak louder than words

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zarrydoubts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zarrydoubts/gifts).



> written for got-hyung fic fest @ lj

The first time it happens, Jinyoung is with Mark. They’re walking back to Jinyoung’s apartment, discussing his latest disastrous attempt at dating, when Jinyoung sneezes into his sleeve and— 

“What the hell?” He looks at Mark, who seems just as confused as he watches the white petals fall from the crook of Jinyoung’s arm. 

“Did you just sneeze out a flower?” 

Jinyoung frowns, hesitantly holding out his hand so a floating petal lands in his palm. He half expects it to sting or something, but it just sits there on his hand. Did he sneeze and a passing wind-blown flower just happened to land on his sleeve? 

“You’ve got…” Mark reaches out and picks off something near the corner of Jinyoung’s mouth. He’s holding a petal when he pulls away. “Tell me the truth, Jinyoung, are you the secret prince of some flower kingdom? Is this their way of calling you back home?” 

“Shut up.” Jinyoung swipes at the petal and Mark dodges the punch that’s aimed his way.

✿

Jinyoung is usually more than happy to be the designated driver, so when he does drink, it doesn’t take a lot to get him drunk. After a week of occasionally sneezing flowers, he decides it’s a good time to get drunk.

“Mark.” Jinyoung stumbles over to Mark and practically falls into his lap. 

“Hi, friend,” Mark says cheerfully, helping Jinyoung stay on his feet. “Are we as drunk as we wanted to be?”

Jinyoung mumbles something that he thinks is ‘shut up’ but he can’t be too sure. “Mark,” he says again, tugging on his hand. “Gonna throw up. Come with me, you have to hold my hair.” 

Mark’s laugh is annoyingly loud as he stands up. “Come on, let’s get you to a bathroom.” 

“You gonna hold my hair?” 

Mark runs his fingers through Jinyoung’s hair and Jinyoung wishes he wasn’t so drunk because he probably won’t remember this in the morning. “There’s not a lot of it to hold.” 

“Still, you _have_ to.” 

“Yes, okay.”

Jinyoung has no idea how they manage to make it to the bathroom when he’s taller than Mark, and he can feel his limbs being stubborn, but he’s glad it’s empty when they get there. He stumbles into a stall and right in time, he feels his stomach heaving. 

Except he throws up pink petals. 

“Shit.” 

Mark has his eyes squeezed shut and his nose screwed up, but his fingers are in Jinyoung’s hair like he promised they’d be. “Are you done?”

“Look.”

“No thanks, I’m good.” 

“I didn’t throw up.” Jinyoung feels his stomach heaving again and this time he throws up all over their shoes. Except it’s still just _petals_. He looks closer and realizes they’re not _just_ petals. They’re entire...flower heads? Is that what they’re called? This can’t possibly be a good sign, right? Sneezing petals is already on the weird spectrum, but it can’t be a good thing that he’s throwing up entire flowers.

At least he’s not throwing up stems.

“Did you throw up on my shoes?” 

“Kind of, but—” Jinyoung huffs in impatience. “Mark, would you just look? It’s not what you think.”

Mark opens an eye and then the other one when he sees what Jinyoung is looking at. “Jinyoung, what the fuck?” 

Jinyoung bends down to pick up one of them. They’re kind of pretty. It’s not really surprising, flowers are pretty in general. But they have no business being inside him. 

“Did you throw up flowers?” Mark’s eyes are wide.

“Yeah.” Jinyoung’s head has cleared up. Throwing up flowers is apparently a good way to get sober really fast. 

“Are you…” 

Jinyoung rolls his eyes when Mark hesitates. “I’m not a flower prince.” 

“No.” Mark plucks the flower from Jinyoung’s hand and studies it carefully. “It’s _whole_. Are you okay? Did it hurt?”

 _Did_ it hurt? Jinyoung can’t really remember even though it had happened a few minutes ago. “I’m not sure.”

“You have to see a doctor or something. This can’t be good.” 

“It’s just flowers,” Jinyoung says reluctantly. He likes to think he’s a sensible person, but he can’t imagine telling a doctor that he’s throwing up flowers is going to result in anything but bad news. 

“They were just petals yesterday,” Mark points out, sighing. “They’re whole flowers now. I don’t think this is going away.”

✿

Interesting fact: throwing up flowers doesn’t mean you don’t get a hangover the next day.

“Why would it?” Mark asks. “The flowers have nothing to do with you getting drunk.” 

He’s patting Jinyoung’s back, which Jinyoung usually likes, but he’s annoyed and cranky now, and he doesn’t appreciate Mark being logical. “You’re very talkative today.” 

“Should I shut up?”

“Yes,” Jinyoung snaps, “but keep patting my back.” He feels guilty when Mark obliges but he’s mostly annoyed to be in the waiting room of a doctor’s office so early in the morning. “I don’t know why we had to come here right now. It’s not even 9 yet.”

“We’re here because when I called you in the morning, you said when you were brushing your teeth, you spat out flowers.”

Jinyoung scowls. He wishes he didn’t automatically tell Mark everything. 

“Don’t be nervous,” Mark says quietly. 

“You’re talking.” 

Mark uses his free hand to lift up Jinyoung’s arm and he kisses Jinyoung’s wrist, but he doesn’t say anything. Jinyoung doesn’t say anything but he appreciates the familiar gesture.

When they were kids, Jinyoung had fallen off the jungle gym and landed hard on his arm. He had started yelling from the pain, and Mark had scrambled over.

Jinyoung can still remember how much his wrist had hurt, can remember how panicked Mark looked, and even more panicked when Jinyoung started crying.

“What can I do?” Mark had whispered.

“Make it better!” Jinyoung knows now that it was silly that he expected a six-year old to magically fix him. 

But Mark had just lifted Jinyoung’s arm and kissed his wrist. “Better?”

It hadn’t made it better, of course. Jinyoung found out later it was sprained, but he had stopped crying and it became Mark’s go-to move to making Jinyoung feel better since then.

“I’m sorry,” Jinyoung says, reaching for Mark’s hand, squeezing it lightly. 

Mark glances at him and gives him a small smile. “Better?”

✿

The more Jinyoung thinks about it, the more ridiculous he feels. So he feels incredibly ridiculous saying the words out loud to a stranger. He expects odd looks and the doctor possibly thinking he’s crazy. He doesn’t expect his doctor to nod like he understands and then leave the room after asking him to wait.

“Do you think he’s calling someone to have me committed?” 

“Just relax,” Mark says, although Jinyoung wishes Mark could tell his _face_ to relax because whatever expression it has on right now is not relaxed. 

“Relax? He shot out of here like he was afraid he was going to catch it from—” Jinyoung chokes and coughs up a mouthful of dark red petals. “Fuck.” He shoves them at Mark. “Hide these.” 

Mark looks at him in exasperation. “Why?”

“He can’t see them!” Jinyoung clears his throat and even more petals come tumbling out. “Will you fucking _stop_?” 

“Are you talking to your petals?” 

Jinyoung glares at him and hands over more petals— glares some more when Mark makes no move to hide them. “What are you doing? Hide them! He’ll think I’m crazy.” 

“Okay, just…” Mark drops the petals on his lap and rests his hands on Jinyoung’s knees. “Just breathe, okay? You already told him what was happening and he seemed to believe you. Which admittedly, is a little weird. But even if he didn’t believe you, these are proof.”

Jinyoung looks at the flowers on Mark’s lap and then back to his face. “They’re just petals.” 

“What?” Mark glances down at the petals before he catches on. “Is this good? Were the flowers this morning whole or petals?”

The doctor returns before Jinyoung can reply. He’s not alone and even though the new doctor has an amiable smile on his face, Jinyoung is nervous. Another doctor definitely cannot be a good sign. 

When the new doctor insists that he talks to Jinyoung alone, he knows he’s right.

Mark looks annoyed at the doctor but he squeezes Jinyoung’s hand as he gets to his feet. “You’ll be okay,” he says, before he leaves the room. 

“I’m going to tell him everything anyway,” Jinyoung mumbles. 

“That’s your choice after we’re done talking,” the new doctor says. He seems nice enough and has a soothing voice, but this only makes Jinyoung more uncomfortable. “Now tell me, have you heard of Hanahaki disease?”

✿

“A flower _disease_?” Mark looks pretty skeptical about what Jinyoung is telling him, considering he’s pulling out petals that Jinyoung had coughed up earlier from his pockets.

“How much candy did you take?” Jinyoung asks because Mark keeps digging into his pockets.

“All of it.” Mark fishes out a few more pieces of strawberry candies and adds them to the little pile next to Jinyoung. “What?” he asks defensively when Jinyoung gives him a Look. “You were sad. So...candy.” 

“I wasn’t _sad_.” 

“Whatever,” Mark says, waving his hand impatiently. “You were in there, receiving potentially bad news and I was outside. I had to do _some_ thing. So I got you candy.” 

“You _stole_ candy.” 

“No, he saw me. Taking candy with crinkly wrappers from a bowl right in front of him and then putting them in my pockets isn’t a very stealthy operation. And stop changing the subject.” Mark plops down on the couch next to Jinyoung, knocking most of the candy to the floor. “I think you need to get a second opinion about this...flower disease.” 

“Okay, first of all, it’s called Hanahaki disease. And second, you want me to go to someone else to tell them I’m throwing up flowers? Why? We already know what’s wrong with me.” 

“But it’s weird. Who is this new doctor? A _flower_ doctor?” 

“Mark.” Jinyoung closes his eyes for a few seconds and tries to absorb how fucking bizarre his life is turning out to be. “He knew what he was talking about. He knew that sometimes I throw up petals and sometimes I throw up flower heads.” He doesn’t add that Dr. Wang said as the disease progressed, it would get worse— he would start throwing up and coughing up the stems too. Which also hadn’t seemed so bad until he was gently reminded that some flower stems had thorns. 

“So how do we fix you?” 

Jinyoung opens his eyes to find Mark watching him earnestly, like he really thinks he can do something to help. “It sounds stupid.” 

Mark raises an eyebrow. “The solution to the flower disease is stupider than the fact that you even _have_ a flower disease?” 

_“Yes.”_ Jinyoung picks up one of the candies and starts fiddling with the wrapper, just to have something to do with his hands. “Apparently this is all because of...unrequited love.” He grimaces and before Mark can even react, he says, “It’s so _stupid_. I’m throwing up flowers because I like someone who doesn’t like me back?” 

Mark’s face goes blank for a few seconds like it usually does when he’s trying to process something. “Who is it?” 

Jinyoung blinks. “What?” He has always thought he can read Mark like a book, but Mark has a weird expression on his face now and he has no idea what it means. 

“Who do you like?” 

Jinyoung feels his cheeks flush and he isn’t sure why. “I don’t even know!” he complains. “That’s why it’s so stupid. I should at least know who I like if flowers are growing in my lungs for him.” 

Mark is giving him another strange look. “So...how do we fix you?” 

“You can’t,” Jinyoung says. “Not really. Not unless this person likes me back. Which is impossible since I don’t even know who I like.” 

“Have you told Jaebum?” 

Jinyoung frowns at the sudden change of topic. “What? No. I’m not going to call him and tell him I’m fucking blooming flowers. Anyway he’s probably busy rescuing all the stray cats he finds.” 

He expects Mark to joke about Jaebum being destined to be a cat lady, but he’s quiet.

“Mark.” Jinyoung wants to ask what he thinks about everything, but he still looks weird and Jinyoung hates that he can’t figure out what he’s feeling or thinking. 

“What happens if you don’t figure out who you like?” 

Jinyoung pauses because he doesn’t really want to tell Mark the rest of it. “It’s not good.” 

He doesn’t _say_ it but Mark knows anyway. “How can flowers kill you?” 

“I mean…they shouldn’t be growing inside people. Lungs aren’t built to accommodate flowers. Dr. Wang says it’s not that bad right now, but it’ll get worse. They’ll suffocate me.” 

“When?” 

“I don’t know,” Jinyoung says impatiently. He feels like Mark’s being too practical and… _sensible_ , and he doesn’t want this part of his best friend right now. He wants soft Mark and empathetic Mark. 

“Don’t you think you should tell Jaebum?” 

“No,” he snaps. He doesn’t know why he feels so annoyed at how insistent Mark is being, but he is. “I’m telling you these flowers are killing me and all you can say to that is ‘you should tell Jaebum?’”

Mark blinks and his face finally softens. “I just think…he can help better than I can.” 

“No,” Jinyoung says again. He pushes the rest of the candy off the couch and moves as close to Mark as he can. “You’re enough, okay? I don’t need to tell him. If we can’t figure it out together then I doubt Jaebum can.”

Mark laughs quietly. “Why are you trying to make me feel better? That’s my job.” 

“You’re not being very good at it right now,” Jinyoung says, linking his arm through Mark’s and resting his head on his shoulder. 

When Jinyoung thinks back about this moment, he’ll realize how stupid he was.

✿

Mark remains annoyingly insistent about Jinyoung telling Jaebum what’s going on.

Jinyoung’s known Jaebum just a little longer than he’s known Mark. They were only friends for a year before they met Mark and if Jinyoung is being honest, he doesn’t remember that one year without Mark. He just knows that it’s been the three of them for almost as long as he remembers, until Jaebum left to start his veterinary residency abroad. 

For every memory that Jinyoung and Mark share, Jaebum’s always been there too. When Jinyoung sprained his wrist, Jaebum was the one who ran to get a teacher. When Mark got picked on when they were kids, Jaebum was the one who got the other kids to back off. Jinyoung is pretty sure that’s why Mark thinks Jaebum can help them now too. 

Jinyoung isn’t the kind of person to keep secrets and he’s never told them either of them something that he’s wanted them to keep from the other. But he can’t see how Jaebum can help now. He’s not even here and he doesn’t see the point of telling him. Jaebum’s always been ridiculously overprotective— honestly, Jinyoung is pretty sure he borders on being a complete neanderthal sometimes— so it just seems better to leave him in the dark for now.

✿

For some reason (Mark is the reason), Jinyoung thought that telling his friends about the disease would be a good thing. He assumes that they would be helpful in finding a solution but he’s wrong.

Youngjae’s solution is his solution to everything: “Have you tried musical therapy?” He’s really earnest as he tries to explain to Jinyoung how it could work, but Jinyoung doesn’t see how listening to music would cure something as inane as throwing up flowers because of _unrequited love_. 

It doesn’t stop Youngjae from randomly appearing and playing Jinyoung songs to see if it helps. It doesn’t. 

Bambam just asks if it’s contagious and Jinyoung vindictively lies and says yes before he coughs yellow petals on him. Even fake coughs produced flowers now. Jinyoung is pretty sure this is not a good sign.

Yugyeom has a lot of questions and Jinyoung thinks maybe he has an idea and he does, but his ideas have nothing to do with helping Jinyoung and everything to do with making money. Jinyoung’s pretty sure Yugyeom has started a side business selling homemade potpourri on Etsy. 

“Who even buys potpourri?” Jinyoung demands. “People know about air fresheners and Febreze, right?” 

“Okay, grandpa,” Bambam says, rolling his eyes. 

“What? Grandpas would _want_ potpourri,” Jinyoung says. Why are these his friends?

“I don’t know why you’re so mad,” Yugyeom complains. “It’s not like you want to use the flowers for something and I’m stealing them. You’re not doing anything with them. Youngjae hyung, you agree with me, right? Reduce, reuse and recycle!”

Youngjae narrows his eyes at him. “I was talking about you recycling a Coke can, but sure, I guess it applies to death flowers too.” 

“I think you just need to figure out who you like,” Mark says. He has an assortment of coloured petals on his lap and Jinyoung doesn’t even remember coughing up the pink ones. 

“What’s the point?” Jinyoung asks. He gets that familiar itchy feeling in his throat that means more flowers are on their way. “It’s unrequited.” 

“But maybe if you knew who you liked, we could figure out how to make it...requited.” Mark’s picking at the flowers; it almost looks like he’s sorting them out, but unless Yugyeom has recruited him to work for his potpourri empire, Jinyoung isn’t sure why he would bother. 

“I don’t think I can just magically make whoever this person is like me.” Jinyoung makes a face. If only this disease was that easy to cure. “If it hasn’t happened already, then it’s probably not going to.”

“But who wouldn’t like you?” 

Jinyoung blinks. “What?” Mark’s _looking_ at him, even though he won’t actually meet Jinyoung’s eyes.

“How can you not know who you like?” Bambam asks loudly, and Mark looks away. “How do the flowers know and you don’t? Are the flowers smarter than you?”

“Can you throw up some roses or something? This website says roses and marigolds are best for potpourri.” Yugyeom is scrolling through his phone as he glances at Jinyoung, ignoring his put-out face. “Oh, I can make bath bombs too!”

“You’re really starting to piss me off,” Jinyoung says, coughing up purple petals. 

“Oh? You weren’t mad when he gave you that birthday card with a pressed flower that you _threw up_?” Jinyoung narrows his eyes when he sees Mark’s fingers twisting around some of the petals. He’s _making_ something. 

Jinyoung is a little offended— maybe more than a little. Were all of them using the flowers for arts and crafts? Jinyoung isn’t surprised that Yugyeom and Bambam are being little shits about it, but Mark?

 _“Hyung.”_ Yugyeom pouts when he finally looks up from his phone and sees the purple petals. “Roses and marigolds please.” 

“I don’t get to choose which flowers come out of my lungs,” Jinyoung snaps. He coughs again and this time red petals float to the floor. 

Yugyeom snatches at them and frowns when he sniffs them. “Not roses. What a useless power.” 

Jinyoung glares at him. “It’s not a power,” he says, more red petals falling from his lips. “It’s killing me.” 

“Stop talking to him,” Mark says. He stops playing with the petals and Jinyoung sees that he’s been working on a flower crown. “It’s just upsetting you, and when you’re upset, you cough up flowers.” He reaches out and lightly fixes the crown on Jinyoung’s head. “Flower prince,” he says, smiling softly. 

Jinyoung feels something swooping in his stomach and as he coughs out a bloom of yellow flowers, he realizes. _It’s Mark._

✿

Jinyoung is anxious while he waits for the doctor. He’s used to having Mark with him but it seems pointless to bring him when he can’t come in to see the doctor. Anyway Jinyoung didn’t want him here today.

He’s so distracted that he forgets he’s been keeping an eye out for messages or e-mails from Youngjae, so when he gets the notification, he doesn't delete it, he just reflexively opens it. He has no idea how Youngjae has managed to get the song file to automatically play when the e-mail is opened, but Jinyoung frowns when the dramatic strains of ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ start up.

 _“Youngjae.”_ Jinyoung hurriedly tries to turn the volume down before Lea Michele— Youngjae can’t even send him the original song!— gets in too deep. He can feel the receptionist’s eyes on him as he finally gets the volume down. He’s busy texting Youngjae to _stop_ when the receptionist clears his throat. 

“Was that ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’?”

Jinyoung can feel his face burning. Why were his friends like this? “Yeah. My friend thinks musical therapy can help me.” 

The receptionist laughs. “That’s cute.”

“Not really.” 

“I’m Jackson,” the receptionist says, smiling at Jinyoung. “My grandfather’s your doctor.” 

“Nepotism,” Jinyoung mumbles. He doesn’t know why he’s being rude when he’s just met Jackson. A combination of being annoyed about the song and he also wants to be left alone to brood in silence.

“At its finest,” Jackson replies cheerfully. “You’re Jinyoung, right? Hanahaki disease?” 

“What happened to doctor-patient confidentiality?” Jinyoung purses his lips into a tight line.

“My grandfather’s a specialist for this disease, so if you’re here to see him then you have it. Plus you’ve been coughing up purple flowers.” Jackson gestures at his shirt. 

“This disease is so fucking annoying.” Jinyoung tries to shake off as many petals as he can. He’s dismayed to see a few flower heads scattered amongst the petals. He hadn’t even noticed coughing them up. He hates that this is becoming somewhat normal for him. 

“Where’s your friend?”

Jinyoung is distracted when he sneezes out more purple petals. “Friend?”

“Yeah, the one you came in with the last time. The cute candy thief.”

Jinyoung bristles at Jackson calling Mark cute, and then he bristles about the fact that he’s bristling about someone thinking Mark was cute. He _was_ cute. “I didn’t ask him to come.” He’s not sure why he says that when he could’ve just said Mark was busy. Even if he isn’t. Mark is never busy. 

Jackson looks surprised. “Is…is it him? The one you—” He cuts himself off, shaking his head. “Sorry, it’s none of my business.” 

It isn’t, Jinyoung thinks. It isn’t anyone’s business. But he hasn’t told anyone and he kind of wants to. 

He can’t fathom telling anyone else. Youngjae's already sending him sappy love songs, he’s sure Youngjae would find even sappier love songs if he found out it was Mark— worse, he might even start sending Mark love songs. Jinyoung can’t imagine Yugyeom or Bambam helping much. They would try to do something but he’s sure he wouldn’t be into whatever hijinks they proposed. If he can’t see the point in telling Jaebum about the disease in general, he feels even less inclined to tell him that it’s because he’s in love with their best friend. 

Telling Mark was just…out of the question, wasn’t it? If Jinyoung is going to die, he doesn’t see why he has to tell Mark that it’s because he likes _him_. It’s not Mark’s fault that he doesn’t like Jinyoung back. It would just make Mark feel bad and he’d probably try to make himself like Jinyoung. 

Jinyoung’s not naive. He believes what he said earlier. If Mark didn’t already like him back, no one could _make_ him do it. Not that that would stop Mark from trying, Jinyoung is sure. But that would be worse. Liking him shouldn’t be forced. 

“Love,” Jackson corrects him after Jinyoung ends up telling him _everything_. “It’s not just a crush.” He doesn’t seem very bothered when Jinyoung glares at him for interrupting. “I’m studying the disease too. The flowers don’t happen because you just like someone. It’s bigger than that.”

Has he always loved Mark? Jinyoung has always known that he loves Mark, he just wasn’t aware that he _loves_ Mark. How did this happen without him noticing? Jinyoung likes to think that he’s an observant person, so how did he get here? In love with his best friend and sprouting flowers everywhere. This had to be the most ridiculous manifestation of unrequited love. He has a strange sense of déjà vu when he thinks that. Almost likes he’s thought that before.

“Can I admit something?” 

Jackson nods encouragingly. 

“I feel like I might have read about this disease or heard about it.” Jinyoung catches the look on Jackson’s face and hurriedly continues. “I know your grandfather said there aren’t any documented cases of it, but when he was telling me about the disease, I wasn’t completely surprised. It felt familiar.”

Jackson tilts his head as he mulls it over. “I don’t think I’ve heard of that happening before,” he says, looking puzzled. “I mean, I thought you seemed pretty calm but I figured that was just how you were. So you’re saying you were…expecting it?”

“No, not exactly _expecting_ it,” Jinyoung says thoughtfully. “But when he said it was Hanahaki disease, I just thought, ‘Oh, okay.’ Like he diagnosed me with a cough or something. Not some unheard of flower disease.”

“That’s strange,” Jackson says. “I suppose you could have heard about it from someone else who had the disease? Although they usually forget about the experience altogether.”

Jinyoung blinks. “What? I thought if you had the disease, the person you liked either liked you back and you were cured, or they didn’t and you died. Is there another cure?”

Jackson gives him another smile, but this one is more tense. “I’m sure my grandfather will tell you everything you need to know.” 

“Obviously not because he didn’t even tell me there was another cure. If there’s another cure that doesn’t involve Mark liking me back I should know about it. Because that’s not happening, he doesn’t like me.” 

As if to make his point, a purple flower head forces its way up Jinyoung’s throat and out his mouth. That…that fucking _hurt_. He doesn’t usually feel the flower heads because they come up with the petals and they’re smaller; almost like miniature flowers. This one is twice the size. He looks up at Jackson. “This isn’t good, is it?” He coughs again and this time it’s just petals, but they’re tinted with blood. Definitely not good.

Jackson winces as he hands over a tissue. “You should probably go spit out the blood,” he says quietly. “My grandfather will be ready to see you when you’re done.”

✿

Jinyoung is sprawled out on his bed when Mark lets himself in.

“Where were you today?” Mark pokes at Jinyoung until he rolls over onto his side and Mark plops down beside him. “I tried calling you earlier. I got you something.” When Jinyoung doesn’t turn over from where he’s facing the wall, he leans over and drops a slim box right in front of his face. “That expensive, pretentious chocolate you like.” 

Jinyoung wraps his fingers around the box. He hates his life a little more because he didn't need Mark to be like this. Even though he knows Mark isn't doing anything different, he's just being himself. But it makes Jinyoung feel worse about everything. “How can chocolate be pretentious?” 

“Tequila-infused truffle balls sound pretty pretentious to me.” Mark kicks at Jinyoung’s foot, trying to get him to turn around again. “What are you doing? Let me see how touched and grateful you are for the chocolates. I didn’t even steal them or anything.” 

Jinyoung sighs but he turns around because Mark is nothing if not insistent. “Thanks, I know these aren’t easy to get.” 

“You’re worth it, I guess,” Mark says smiling. 

“I love this lukewarm sentiment.” 

Mark smiles even wider and Jinyoung reaches out to touch his weirdly pointed incisor. Mark had been surprised the first time Jaebum did it when they were kids, he couldn’t understand why Jaebum and Jinyoung were so amused by it. Now he doesn’t blink twice when either of them do it, although they know other people do. Yugyeom had rudely said that friends don’t just go around touching each other’s _teeth_ , and he’s not wrong. 

“I coughed up a flower head today,” Jinyoung says, holding the box of chocolate in both his hands to keep them occupied. 

“Just one?” 

Jinyoung almost rolls his eyes because what does he mean _just one_? “A big one,” he clarifies. “I don’t think my throat appreciated it much. There was some blood.” 

Mark’s face falls. “It’s getting worse.” 

Jinyoung nods. “Dr. Wang says it’s definitely getting worse.” He doesn’t mention that Dr. Wang had been concerned at how fast the disease was progressing. He also doesn’t mention that Dr. Wang had talked about another cure. He knows what Mark would say about it. He’s pretty sure he agrees with what Mark would hypothetically say. “I don’t really want to talk about it anymore.” 

Mark looks surprised but he nods. “Do you want me to shut up?” 

“No.” Jinyoung says, scooting over closer. “I want you to talk, just not about the disease. Talk about anything except that.” 

“What?” Mark laughs. “You’re just going to listen?” 

“Yes.” Jinyoung reaches over Mark to drop the box of chocolate on the side table next to the bed and gets comfortable again.

“You’re being weird.” Mark laughs again as he briefly takes Jinyoung’s free arm and presses a kiss to his wrist before he moves his hand to twist their fingers together. “Okay, let’s see.” He's quiet for a few moments before he lets out a small giggle. “Do you remember when Jaebum heard that if cats were curled up, it meant it was a sign of bad weather?” 

Jinyoung laughs. “And then he went around uncurling any cats he came across. Some of those cats did _not_ appreciate being uncurled.” 

“He still has the scar on the inside of his elbow from that one really angry alley cat,” Mark says, giggling. “ _Fated_ to be a cat lady.” 

Jinyoung smiles and rests his head on Mark’s shoulder. “Tell me another one.”

Mark rests his head on top of Jinyoung’s and Jinyoung swears he feels Mark tighten the hold he has on his hand. “Remember when we tried to make Jaebum watch all the Star Wars movies and he fell asleep during the second one, and then we drew all over his face?” 

They were dorky kids, Jinyoung thinks. “He was not amused when he woke up.” 

“He sat through all of breakfast before he found out.” Mark lets out another loud giggle and Jinyoung thinks about how Mark’s high-pitched laughing has always been kind of comforting, has always felt a little bit like…like home.

“More,” Jinyoung says quietly. 

“Remember when I first moved here? It was right before my fifth birthday and you, Jaebum and my dad spent all night making this crazy fort made out of cardboard boxes in the backyard. It was so cool. It had doors that opened and drawbridges and everything.” Mark laughs softly, and that laugh— that one feels like home too. “I always meant to ask, where did you guys get all those cardboard boxes? We did _not_ have that many boxes when we moved in.” 

“Jaebum and I went around to a bunch of stores collecting empty boxes a week before your birthday,” Jinyoung says, remembering that his mom had driven them around so they could store the boxes they got in the car.

“You had only known me for three days! Why would you do that?” 

“Because we liked you,” Jinyoung says simply.

“Aww,” Mark says loudly. “My favourite nerds loved me from the very beginning.” 

Jinyoung laughs. “We did,” he agrees. “We do.” 

“Should I go on?” 

“Yes.” 

“Remember when you tried to get us locked in the library overnight?”

Jinyoung frowns. “I don’t remember that.” 

“What?” Mark dislodges Jinyoung off his shoulder to pull away and look at him in disbelief. “It was your tenth birthday! That’s what you asked me for when I asked you what you wanted. It was just you and me, because Jaebum was visiting his grandparents that weekend.” 

Jinyoung tries to remember his tenth birthday, but all he can remember is the small birthday dinner he had with his family, and Mark. He remembers Jaebum not being there, but he doesn’t remember getting locked in the library overnight.

“We didn’t actually get locked in,” Mark says. “The librarian knew where we were hiding the whole time. It was a pretty small library. She just let us think we were left there for an hour, and then she came back in, pretending to be worried. Your parents knew about our plan. We weren’t very sneaky.” He looks at Jinyoung. “You don’t remember this at all? You thought it would be so cool to be locked up in a place full of books for a whole night.” 

That does sound like him. Jinyoung still thinks being locked in a library overnight is a cool idea so he’s sure his ten-year old self thought so too. “Why did you come?” 

Mark blinks. “Because you asked me to,” he says. 

Jinyoung feels his throat seize up and he feels one, two, three, _four_ flower heads push their way through. They’re all different colours and the same size as the one he coughed up earlier. His throat feels like it’s been rubbed raw. 

Mark looks horrified when he sees that the flower heads and the blood. “Shit, Jinyoung.” He scrambles off the bed and looks around in a panic. “What do you need? What can I do?” 

Jinyoung shakes his head as he gets to his feet and points towards the bathroom because he doesn’t think he can talk right now. Mark nods and follows him into the bathroom. 

“What can I do, Jinyoung?” Mark asks, rubbing Jinyoung’s back as he spits out the mouthful of blood and rinses. “There has to be something I can do.”

✿

Jinyoung starts keeping a flower journal to record the progress of his disease. Mark thinks it’s morbid but Jinyoung insists that he needs to know as much about what’s happening to him as he possibly can. He’s learning from his flower journal.

When he’s mad, he throws up daisies. Mark finds it cute, which infuriates Jinyoung and then he ends up throwing up or coughing up even more daisies. The dandelions are annoying because there’s just stupid dandelion fluff _everywhere_ when he sneezes them, so he supposes it’s appropriate that they’re there when he’s annoyed— there are a lot of dandelions when Yugyeom and Bambam are around. 

There’s no pattern when Mark’s around. The flowers are the worst when he’s around. They’re all sizes, all different colours, all really _really_ painful making their way out of Jinyoung’s lungs and throat. The next time Mark kisses him on the wrist, Jinyoung coughs up a string of red flowers that feel like they’re trying to rip his throat open on the way up. 

He looks them up when Mark leaves and they’re literally called _crown of thorns_. They’re small and cute and pretty, but they have tiny thorns on their stems. They’re not as painful as the roses with their asshole thorns, but painful enough that he holds his breath any time Mark reaches for his arm. 

Jinyoung is a sensible person. He knows he should just tell Mark, but as painful as the flowers are, Mark only kisses his wrist when Jinyoung is upset and the kisses are comforting.

“You’ve got it bad,” Jackson tells him. 

Jinyoung coughs up dandelions and Jackson laughs as he tries to bat away the flying seeds of fluff.

“Right, sorry. Stating the obvious.” Jackson smirks as he holds onto a seed. “Have you ever tried to make a wish on any of these things?” He holds up a hand. “Okay, scratch that, I’m sorry. I was just kidding.” 

Jinyoung sighs and but he feels a few daisy petals float down from the corner of his mouth anyway. He’s still not sure how he ended up coming to Jackson to confide in. Okay, he’s lying. It was when Youngjae sent him ‘You Belong With Me’ and Jinyoung found himself morosely relating and, even worse, _pining_ , that he decided he needed to talk to someone. 

He hates that he can’t go to Mark with this. He had even considered calling Jaebum but Jinyoung couldn’t think of any scenario where Jaebum would just listen and offer some kind of help instead of overreacting by doing something like flying back home— and be just as useless as he would be if he wasn’t there. Jinyoung just felt _stuck_. He needed to talk to someone and he figured Jackson was an acceptable option since he knew about the disease.

“Have you told Mark about the surgery?” Jackson asks. 

Jinyoung scowls and the dandelions that float out have nothing to do with Jackson and more with the fact that he hates being reminded that he’s not being completely honest with Mark. 

“I’ll take that as a no.”

“I mean, I should, right?” Jinyoung picks at the yellow petals from the dandelion he had just coughed up. This is the first time he has coughed up a dandelion that still had its petals. Did the dandelions depend on how annoyed he was?

“I can’t tell you what to do.” 

“But the surgery makes sense, right?” Jinyoung knows Jackson won’t answer that question either. “I either get the surgery and live, or I don’t and I die.”

Jackson fiddles with lid of his coffee cup. “You know it’s not that simple, or everyone would have the surgery. I know my grandfather told you some people choose not to do it.”

“That’s stupid,” Jinyoung scoffs.

“Is it?” Jackson raises an eyebrow. “Why haven’t you scheduled an appointment for the surgery yet then?” 

“I was going to.” Jinyoung sighs again and he sneezes out small purple petals. “I guess nightshade are my feeling defeated flowers.”

“You know a lot about your flowers.” 

Jinyoung laughs. “Yeah, I try to look them up so I can record them in my journal. I go to a flower shop when I can’t figure out what a certain flower is. I’m pretty sure they think I’m crazy.” 

Jackson plucks the petals to study them before he lets them float down to the table they’re sharing. “So…you were going to schedule the surgery but…” 

“I talked to Mark,” Jinyoung says. “We have so many…” He trails off and shakes his head because talking about this isn’t as easy as he thought it would be. “He’s such a big part of my life. I hate that the effects of the surgery are different for everyone. If it just got rid of the feelings, I would’ve already had the surgery.” 

“Surgery can’t get rid of _feelings_ ,” Jackson says. 

“Why not?” Jinyoung demands. “Why is the idea of getting rid of feelings so inconceivable when we’re talking about flowers sprouting up in my lungs because I’m in love someone who doesn’t feel the same way?” He gets angrier than he already is when a handful of daisies force their way out. 

“Jinyoung.” Jackson puts his hand on top of Jinyoung’s, but Jinyoung snatches his hand away. 

He feels bad enough that he’s not telling Mark all of this, but he won’t accept comfort from someone that isn’t Mark. He knows he’s being ridiculous but he doesn’t care. 

Jackson doesn’t seem offended, just shrugs. “Do you want me to go over the different results of the surgery?” 

Jinyoung nods. He knows them already, he’s been going over them in his head but maybe he’ll get some clarity if he hears someone else saying it out loud. 

“Okay. So some people just forget that they ever had feelings for someone,” Jackson begins. “That’s the best case scenario. That’s close to getting rid of the feelings, I guess. But only the smallest fraction of people who get the surgery get those results. It’s been very rare.”

“What’s the most common result?” Jinyoung gets impatient when Jackson hesitates. “I already know none of the results are great, except for the one you basically just ruled out completely. I just want to know which one is the most likely to happen.” 

“You’ll forget him completely.” 

Jinyoung taps his fingers on the table. He knew this was an option but finding out it was the most common result? Forget Mark _completely_? “And the other results.”

“Just one more. Some people claim they can’t really feel much of anything anymore.” 

“That doesn’t seem too bad,” Jinyoung mumbles. 

“It’s the worst case scenario,” Jackson says, ignoring him. 

Jinyoung laughs, feeling incredulous. “What? Completely forgetting the person you’re in love with isn’t the worst case scenario?”

“No.” Jackson looks dismayed. “Jinyoung, you’ll still have a chance at falling in love again. People who have gotten the second result with their surgery have gone on to have healthy relationships. And just because you forget Mark doesn’t mean, he’s out of your life. You can get to know him again. You can get your best friend back. If you can’t really feel anything, it’ll be harder to form friendships and relationships. It will be harder to keep Mark in your life if you can’t empathize or relate to him. And if you can’t feel anything and don’t remember Mark, you might not want to be friends at all.”

Jinyoung frowns because Jackson makes it seem easy. Just get the surgery. If he forgets Mark, they can just start over.

Except he’s known Mark for practically his entire life. A lifetime of memories just gone. Sure, it seems easy to just get to know Mark all over again. Mark’s an easy person to get along with. But Jinyoung knows it won’t be the same. Rebuilding a friendship from scratch to get to where they were now, he knows that’s practically impossible. 

Would they ever get to a point where Mark would kiss his wrist when Jinyoung’s upset? Why would he? He does it now because it’s linked to their history. But if they had no history, then what would be the point? 

Would they get to a point where Jinyoung pokes at Mark’s weirdly pointed incisor? Would the future him who wouldn’t remember Mark even notice Mark’s teeth? Would he see Jaebum do it and think he and Mark were weird? Would Jinyoung even matter to the friendship if he was getting to know Mark all over again? He wouldn’t. Mark would have Jaebum, he wouldn’t need a new Jinyoung who basically _chose_ to forget him. 

“Jinyoung?” 

Jinyoung blinks and remembers that he’s at a coffee shop with Jackson. 

“Thoughts?” 

“I don’t know,” Jinyoung says, feeling numb at the idea of having to make a decision. Even the flowers don’t know what to do with the numbness.

✿

Mark seems mystified when Jinyoung asks him to give him some space. Especially because Jinyoung doesn’t offer an explanation for why he even needs the space— they’ve never needed space from each other. But he’s never had to explain himself so he’s not surprised when Mark agrees.

“Do me a favour,” Mark says. “Before you do anything, just promise me you’ll call Jaebum.” 

“That sounds ominous.” 

“Please Jinyoung? Promise you’ll call him.” Mark is looking at him so pleadingly that Jinyoung agrees, even though he has no real intention of calling Jaebum. Mark narrows his eyes when Jinyoung sneezes out sunflower petals. _“Jinyoung,_ you’re lying. These are your lying flowers.” 

Jinyoung can’t believe that the flowers are ratting him out. “Okay, fine, I will call Jaebum before I do anything.” He gives Mark a smug look when no flowers appear. He still has no intention of calling Jaebum, but he also doesn’t plan to do anything.

He thinks a few days away from Mark would help him get a little clarity. He knows that the flowers don’t take a break when Mark’s not around, but he figures they won’t be as bad without him there. They’re just as bad though, they’re just different flowers. Gloomier-looking flowers, poisonous flowers, like oleander. Jinyoung supposes he’s lucky that the flowers are forcing their way up, instead of just killing him from the inside. 

Youngjae sends him a playlist full of songs about unrequited love and Jinyoung feels so despondent that he actually listens to it. It’s obviously a bad idea because it just sends him spiralling. 

The gardenias are his sad flowers. It’s been mostly gardenias, nightshades and dandelions for two days— sometimes oleander when he’s feeling especially cheerless. The dandelions aren’t so bad, they’re the most painless flowers— they make his throat itchy but they’re painless. But the gardenias and nightshades are all big and he’s coughing up the entire flowers, stems and all. 

He wonders if his throat will ever feel the same again, wonders if he'll ever see blood without associating them with flowers. It's not fair, Jinyoung thinks, that what's killing him is what usually brings other people happiness. If he ever gets through this, he'll never be able to look at a flower without remembering how heavy his lungs feel, how he can't breathe when there are too many flowers on the way up, how his throat feels so tight when stems with thorns are pushing their way through. 

Maybe he should just die if he's going to live a life where he's terrified of even looking at a flower.

He knows he's being melodramatic but he thinks he's allowed to wallow.

It’s only when he finds himself sitting on the floor, eating the chocolate Mark got him and sadly singing along to ‘All Out of Love’ that he realizes just how ridiculous he’s being. What if he didn’t choose to have the surgery? Was he just going to sit in his apartment weeping over this depressing playlist until he died because gardenias were clogging up his lungs?

He’s no closer to making a decision when he calls Mark only two days later. He sounds upbeat for someone who was asked to stay away.

“Let’s talk.” 

“Now who sounds ominous?” Mark says. He gasps dramatically. “Jinyoung, are you breaking up with me?” 

Jinyoung is pretty sure what he’s feeling right now is his heart twisting painfully. “I just miss you.”

“I knew you would,” Mark says smugly. “Should I come over?” 

“No.” Jinyoung cringes as he looks around his apartment. There are flowers, some tinted with blood, and chocolate wrappers everywhere. “Let’s go somewhere.”

✿

Mark’s already at the playground near their old elementary school when Jinyoung gets there. He’s on one of the swings, his feet dragging across the sand. He perks up when he sees Jinyoung. “Hey!”

“Hey.” Jinyoung had foolishly hoped that he’d see Mark and he'd just magically _know_ what to do. But he sees Mark and all he knows is that he’s happy to see him. Right on cue, he feels his breath cut off momentarily before a bunch of violets spill from his mouth. 

Mark looks crestfallen as he watches the violets land by his feet. “Did you call Jaebum?” 

Jinyoung rolls his eyes as he sneezes out dandelions. He’s getting pretty tired of hearing about how he should be calling Jaebum. “He can’t help,” he says firmly, sitting on the swing next to Mark. 

“I just…” Mark twists his swing so he’s facing Jinyoung and he stretches his legs out to trap Jinyoung’s ankles between them. “I don’t want you to die.” 

Jinyoung sighs, twisting his own swing so they’re face-to-face. “There’s a cure.”

“Other than the person you like liking you back?” 

“There’s a surgery to remove the flowers.” 

“Is it dangerous?” 

_Is_ it dangerous? Jackson and Dr. Wang had both told him that no one had ever died from the surgery but Jinyoung wonders how long that statistic will last. “No, not really.”

Mark narrows his eyes. “What does ‘not really’ mean?” He releases Jinyoung’s ankles and it sends Jinyoung’s swing spinning around. 

Which is fine because he doesn’t really want to look at Mark while he explains the surgery and the different results to him. He can’t believe that he still has no idea what to do even after he’s finished explaining everything. 

Mark is completely silent and still by the time Jinyoung’s done talking. 

“Mark?” Jinyoung plants his feet down to bring his swing to a stop. Mark has untwisted his swing so Jinyoung can’t read his face. “Thoughts?” Mark’s still quiet but Jinyoung knows it’s a lot to take in, so he waits. 

“So you’re getting the surgery, right?” 

Jinyoung was so sure that the first thing Mark was going to ask was who he liked, so he’s thrown off by the question. “I guess so.” 

Mark turns his head so fast Jinyoung is surprised he didn’t get whiplash. “You guess so? _Yes._ You’re getting the surgery, Jinyoung. I mean…I know this is your choice, but why are you acting like there’s even a choice to be made? You either die or you live. You choose living.” 

Jinyoung knows he’s not being fair to Mark. He doesn’t really know _everything_. He doesn’t know that he’s the one Jinyoung is most likely going to forget about completely. Although knowing Mark, he’d still want Jinyoung to have the surgery anyway.

“Jinyoung.” Mark’s off his swing and standing next to him. “You’re really not going to call Jaebum?” 

“Mark, stop.” Jinyoung scowls and sends more dandelion seeds flying around the playground when he sneezes. “Jaebum would be telling me to do the same thing, you know he would.” He nudges Mark away and kicks off on his swing because he’s starting to get frustrated. Would Mark choose the surgery if things were the other way around and it meant he would forget Jinyoung?

“I just think that if you have a chance to keep your memories and…be in love and be happy, you should take it,” Mark says when Jinyoung swings past him. 

Jinyoung scoffs, coughing out daisies. He doesn’t have that option though, does he? He doesn’t know why Mark thinks telling Jaebum fixes anything. Does he think Jaebum can magically make whoever Jinyoung loves fall in love too? Would Mark feel this way if he knew it was _him_? Jinyoung feels so fucking bitter about everything, but what if this is the last memory he gets to make with Mark? He doesn’t want to be arguing. He won’t remember it but Mark will. 

“You’re right,” he says, passing by Mark again. “Surgery is the right way to go. I mean, even if I forget you, at least we can be friends again.” 

“Wait, what?” 

Jinyoung almost falls off the swing when it’s brought to a sudden stop. 

Mark’s standing in front of him. “Me?” 

Jinyoung swears time slows down. He can’t have just said that— _even if I forget you_. He said that. 

“Jinyoung, _me_? I thought…I thought this whole thing was because you liked Jaebum.” 

Jinyoung frowns. What the fuck? “Jaebum? Are you kidding me? No!” 

“Oh.” Mark looks perplexed. “But that doesn’t make sense because—”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you thought I'm in love with Jaebum.” Jinyoung is aware he’s whining but he can’t believe this. Hadn’t they both agreed that Jaebum’s number one priority was cats? That Jaebum’s search for his significant other was really a search for the one true cat that would fill the weird cat-shaped hole in his heart? “Is this why you kept insisting that I call Jaebum?” 

Mark shrugs. “I figured that maybe if you told him you liked him, then—”

“Then what? He’d realize he liked me too?” Jinyoung coughs up a bunch of orchids and he doesn’t even want to know what the fuck those mean. 

“What? Why is that such a weird thought to have? You guys have known each other longer.” 

“We don’t even remember that year without you,” Jinyoung says crossly. “And it doesn’t matter, I don’t love him anyway. God, _Jaebum_? Of course it’s _you_.” 

Mark’s eyes widen. “Excuse me? Of course it’s me? How was I supposed to know that you like me?” 

_Like_ him. Jinyoung wonders what happens to him if he kills the person he’s in love with. He coughs up a mouthful of daisy petals and he flings them at Mark’s face. “Look at this, anger flowers!” 

Mark’s lips quirk up slightly but as quick as he tries to hide it, Jinyoung still catches it. 

“Are you laughing?”

“It’s just...daisies. Those are some really cute anger flowers.” 

“Fuck off.” Jinyoung coughs up more daisies and even more come up when Mark starts laughing.

“Stop.” Mark reaches out and wipes the flowers away. “Stop being mad, Jinyoung. I like you too. So stop.” 

Jinyoung freezes. “What?”

“I like you.” Mark brushes off the daisies that are all over Jinyoung’s shirt. “I’ve liked you since we were thirteen.” 

“What?” Jinyoung frowns, confused. “Are you just saying that? No. The flowers...they’d know.”

Mark looks annoyed now. “How the fuck would flowers know anything?” 

“Because...the world would...tell them?”

“What? No. The world doesn’t know anything either. Jinyoung.” Mark reaches out and takes his hand. “ _I_ know. And I’m telling you, I like you. I like you a lot. ” 

“You like me.” This is fucking ridiculous. “So I’ve been puking orchids for nothing? Why did the flowers try to kill me?”

Mark shrugs. “Maybe the flowers are just reacting to what you know. Or what you think you know. So that should stop now, right?” 

Jinyoung looks at Mark and he can’t believe this. He also feels unbelievably stupid that Mark has known he’s liked Jinyoung since they were thirteen and Jinyoung has only just recently realized that he’s in love with Mark. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I don’t know. You didn’t seem interested. You were dating other people and you seemed happy just being friends.” 

“I _was_ happy being friends,” Jinyoung says, sighing. “You’re my best friend, I never wanted to ruin it by telling you I liked you. You didn’t seem interested either.”

“Really?” Mark intertwines their fingers but he gives Jinyoung an amused look. “I didn’t seem interested? So I’m just out there kissing everyone on the wrist and cuddling with them in their beds? You could have died but you still didn’t tell me. You could’ve saved yourself a whole lot of trouble if you just told me.”

“I didn’t want to make you feel bad,” Jinyoung mumbles. “I didn’t want to make you think that I was going to die because you didn’t like me back.” 

Mark steps forward and gets in Jinyoung’s space. “I told you— who wouldn’t like you?”

“Ugh, you’re so cheesy,” Jinyoung says, fighting to keep the smile off his face. 

“Maybe I should’ve just let the flowers kill you.”

Mark tips Jinyoung’s face up towards his and when they kiss, Jinyoung is pretty sure whatever he feels blooming inside him isn’t flowers. Jinyoung leans into the kiss, forgetting that he’s still on a swing and he ends up toppling over and they both end up in the sand. 

“Oh my god.” Mark wheezes as Jinyoung pushes himself up his hands, but doesn’t get off Mark. “Jinyoung, tell me we didn’t live out some lame cliché where we happy-kissed and tackled each other to the ground.” 

Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “No. Just a lack of balance.” He pokes the side of Mark’s head. “Are you okay? I didn’t land on you too hard?” 

Mark shakes his head and sits up. “I’m fine.” 

Jinyoung looks around and he suddenly realizes, “This is _our_ playground. I mean, this is where I fell and sprained my wrist.” 

Mark raises his eyebrow but he’s also smiling. “I know.”

Jinyoung can’t believe how small the playground is because it had seemed so much bigger when they were kids. He remembers thinking it was taking Mark forever to get from the slide to where he had been bawling about his wrist by the jungle gym, but it was only two steps away. 

Mark lifts Jinyoung’s arm and presses his lips to his wrist. “Are you okay? Are we good?” 

Jinyoung smiles. He gets his wrist kisses back without the pain that comes with the crown of thorns simultaneously trying to rip their way out of his throat. “We’re good,” he says, leaning in to kiss Mark again. 

And it _is_ good. Better than good. Better than whatever current word people were using to describe the best things in their lives. When Mark bites down on Jinyoung’s lower lip, Jinyoung briefly thinks that this is exactly what he wants. 

Except it’s not really. Because he never gave himself time to consider what it would be like to be with Mark, he never thought about what kissing him would be like. He had been too preoccupied with stupid flowers and trying to figure out how to fix everything and he had never considered how great it could be to be in love with someone who already knows him so well. He had no expectations but this kiss was still everything he wanted. 

Mark’s fingers curl around the back of his neck to bring them even closer and Jinyoung gets giddy think about how this is just the beginning. 

“Jinyoung, wait.” Mark pulls away and Jinyoung realizes that his fingers have somehow made their way under Mark’s shirt. 

“Too fast?” 

Mark rolls his eyes. “No, I just don’t want to make out in a playground, with sand in our hair.” 

Jinyoung smiles as he runs his fingers through Mark’s hair. “Sand in _your_ hair.” He lets go and rolls off Mark to get to his feet. He helps Mark up and watches Mark try to shake off the sand from his hair and clothes. He catches Mark smirking at him. “What? What is that look?” 

“You,” Mark laughs, reaching for Jinyoung’s hand. “You totally have heart eyes for me.”

✿

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

Jinyoung squints at the screen and even though the picture is a little grainy, he can still see the scratches on Jaebum’s arms. He tries not to laugh because Jaebum seems annoyed. “I haven’t been avoiding you. I’ve just been busy.” 

Jaebum glares at him. “Bitch, you’re on summer vacation. You have at least two more weeks before you go back to being a teacher’s aide. Where have you been?” 

“I have a life, you know.” Jinyoung is trying really hard not to roll his eyes because he knows Jaebum has every right to be upset, but he’s being such a nag and it’s so early in the morning. 

“Jinyoung, I’m serious. What’s going on?” Jaebum has a weird ability to look both soft and annoyed at the same time. 

“Nothing,” Jinyoung insists, “everything’s fine.” Now. 

“Mark’s upset,” Jaebum says. “Or he was. I don’t know, I haven’t heard from him in awhile either.” He huffs and gives Jinyoung a hurt look. “Where have you guys been? Just because I’m not there doesn’t mean that you guys get to suddenly keep secrets from me.” 

“We’re not.” Jinyoung does feel guilty though. 

“Jinyoung.” Jaebum’s voice gets louder and Jinyoung does roll his eyes now because he knows Jaebum’s going to get overdramatic soon. “I know something’s going on. You may have been avoiding me but Mark isn’t. Or he wasn’t. I know he’s not telling me something.” 

Mark groans beside Jinyoung. “Just tell him. Seven in the morning is too early for this.” 

Jaebum raises an eyebrow when he hears Mark’s voice. “Hello, Mark,” he says loudly, “so nice of you to join us this morning.” 

Mark pulls the pillow over his head, mumbling under his breath. 

Jinyoung clears his throat and avoids Jaebum’s glare. “Yeah, so. Mark and I are dating now.” 

Jaebum looks unimpressed. “I feel like you’ve been dating since we were five so I’m just going to assume nothing much has changed.” 

“This is why no one tells you things,” Jinyoung complains. “At least pretend to be happy for us.” 

Jaebum looks exasperated. “Don’t be dramatic, Jinyoung. Of course I’m happy for you guys. You’re my best friends. If the two of you are happy, I’m happy.” 

Jinyoung sneers at him. “You’re so lame.” 

Jaebum rolls his eyes. “Seriously, I know this isn’t what you guys have been keeping from me, and believe me, we are going to have a conversation about why I had to find out by basically catching you guys in bed together. I just want to know what’s been—”

“Okay, okay, just simmer down,” Jinyoung says, pushing his blanket away and grabbing his laptop off the bed as he gets to his feet. “Let me move to the living room so you can lecture me and be as dramatic and as loud as you want to be when I tell you.” 

“Thank you,” Mark calls out, as Jinyoung leaves the bedroom.

Jaebum looks disdainful as Jinyoung carries his laptop into the living room. “You guys are already disgusting, just so you know. You guys have always been ridiculous but I can already tell that the two of you are unbearable.” 

“We are,” Jinyoung says gleefully, settling down on the couch. “Okay, so don’t freak out—”

“Don’t say that. You know I’m going to freak out if you say that.” 

Jinyoung is pretty sure talking to Jaebum when he had been sick would have resulted in a lot of dandelions and daisies. “There was this thing with flowers,” he starts slowly. Now that it’s over, it just sounds ridiculous. Especially because he didn’t really have any proof. Not that Jaebum would ask for it, but it just seems harder to explain without….demonstrating.

Jaebum narrows his eyes. “Hanahaki disease?” 

Jinyoung stares at him. “How do you know about that?” 

Jaebum looks distressed. “You didn’t get the surgery, did you?” He pauses and shakes his head. “No, of course not, you’re with Mark now so it worked out.” His expression changes again and he looks vindicated. “I told you! I told you last time that you should’ve just told him, but you were so stubborn. So insistent that he didn’t like you. I mean, it’s not like he was going around kissing me and cuddling up with me in bed.” 

“Jaebum, what are you talking about? Last time?” 

Jaebum pauses mid-rant. “You’ve…had this disease before, Jinyoung. Right after high school. The summer that Mark spent in America with his parents? You’ve liked him since we started high school.”

“No.” Jinyoung shakes his head, but even as he says it, he knows Jaebum is right. It makes sense. That’s why learning about it at Dr. Wang’s office months ago hadn’t felt like the first time he had heard about it. “But…they have a database of all the people who have had the disease,” he says weakly. “They would’ve said something if my name was on it.” 

Jaebum’s face softens. “You were only seventeen. You needed your parents to sign off on the surgery and you didn’t want to tell them because you said they wouldn’t understand. And you…you were so miserable, Jinyoung. You were coughing up blood and flowers and you just really wanted to get the surgery. So we got you a fake I.D. You probably saw a different doctor this time.” 

Jinyoung laughs even though nothing’s funny. He's liked Mark since he was fourteen. So it’s not new. That’s kind of comforting, he thinks, to know that he had liked Mark for a while and it wasn't really a new revelation. “I had the surgery?” With all that he was risking? He had been willing to take a chance on completely forgetting Mark? 

“It was really bad,” Jaebum says. “Maybe it would’ve been different if Mark was around, maybe you would have told him and it would have been okay. But you were dying. There were days you couldn’t talk or even sit up. You didn’t really have a choice.” 

Jinyoung doesn’t remember any of this. _None_ of it. He doesn’t think he remembers much about that summer. He thinks he can remember Mark not being around but he isn’t sure if he actually remembers or if it’s just because Jaebum told him Mark wasn’t there. 

Jaebum nods along with everything Jinyoung says. “The doctor said most people don’t remember the experience after the surgery. It’s why there aren’t any documented cases. No one really remembers. He did say _you_ were lucky. You still remembered Mark, you just didn’t remember liking him. You were better. I didn’t think it would happen again.”

“I’ve forgotten some stuff,” Jinyoung says. “Sometimes he talks about something and I have no memory of it.” 

“Jinyoung, hey. Look at me.” Jaebum gives him a reassuring smile. “You’re okay. You remember almost everything. You’re fine. It worked out.” 

Jinyoung nods but he's thinking about how close he had come to not telling Mark at all, to going through with the surgery without telling anyone. Knowing that he had already been lucky once, he knows that he would have definitely completely forgotten about Mark this time. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jaebum shrugs. “Before the surgery, you told me you didn’t want to talk about it after it was done and you didn’t want Mark to know. Jinyoung, you should have told me what was going on sooner. How bad did it get before you told him? You could’ve saved yourself a lot of trouble.” 

Jinyoung laughs and he feels like the most ridiculous person. He thinks about how things would have never gotten so bad if he had just told both Jaebum and Mark the truth from the start. After he disconnects with Jaebum, he puts away his laptop and lays on the couch and thinks about how close he had come to ruining everything, how everything worked out because he made a mistake and it slipped out.

“Hey.” Mark stumbles into the living room, still looking sleepy. “Where’d you go?” 

“Sorry,” Jinyoung says, “I was too lazy to go back to bed. I just hung up with Jaebum.” He gets his breath knocked out of him when Mark drops himself on top of Jinyoung heavily. 

“Did he yell a lot?” Mark asks, burying his face against Jinyoung’s neck. 

“Not a lot,” Jinyoung answers, wrapping his arms around Mark. “Just his usual amount. But he’s okay. He’s happy for us. I mean, he thinks we’re gross, but he’s happy for us.” 

Mark lets out a small sound of contentment. “He should be, we’re adorable.” 

Jinyoung laughs. “This sleepy talk is not endearing.” 

“Liar,” Mark mumbles. 

They're quiet for a while and it feels comfortable. Jinyoung just feels content. He can feel the tiny puffs of air as Mark breathes against his neck, and when his breathing evens out, he figures Mark has fallen asleep again. 

Jinyoung tightens his arms around Mark and decides that _content_ doesn't even begin to describe this.


End file.
